Moonlit Night
by Shakespeare's Lady
Summary: It’s forty-two years after New Moon. Edward never stopped loving Bella. He has returned to Forks to find her. Written with two endings because I can't stand for Bella & Edward to be unhappy. Edward's POV.
1. Prologue

Is it possible to hallucinate when looking at stars? To see an image that you _want_ to see, not one that is really there? Instead of seeing Orion's belt, could you see something totally different?

I was doing that right now. As I gazed up at the stars, I saw myself. With Bella. Kissing her. Running my fingers through her soft, brown hair. It was an image that I saw numerous times out here; one that I willed myself to see almost nightly.

The image changed slightly. Bella was still there, but now I was holding her close to me. Breathing in her scent. Loving her. No sign of the monster anywhere. And her eyes showed love, contentment and trust.

I hung my head. Trust. I broke her trust in me. I hurt her so much. Forty-two years ago, I left her. Left her to save her. Her life was constantly in danger with me around. I thought she would be better off without me. Without the constant threat of death from me or another vampire.

But I _never_ stopped loving her. Even after all this time. That is one thing about vampires; our love is everlasting. When change comes for one of us, it is rare and permanent. I will love her as long as I walk the Earth. I will probably continue to love her as I burn in hell. She will be my one happiness there. I will endure it for her.

She was constantly in my thoughts. When her birthday rolled around, I find myself thinking _Bella's another year older. Happy birthday, love._ Whenever I play _Clair de Lune_ I think about her, about our tastes in music. Whatever I do, I think of her. I think of how much I love and miss her. I think of her warm body pressed against my cold one while I hold her close to me and kiss her. I think of her beautiful eyes and the depth that I could see in them. I think about what I did and wonder if it was right. If it was fair. My heart, which has been silent for one hundred and thirty years, aches everyday. And I long to see her.

My longing has become more prevalent lately. I guess because it's close to her birthday. She is due to turn sixty this year. No big significance except for the fact that she is alive to experience it. I would love to share it with her. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what she will think if I suddenly re-appear in her life. She will hate me, as she should. No words she says will erase the guilt and torment I have suffered over the years. But my pain is minimal as long as she lives. Her life means more to me than anything else.

I sighed and looked back up to the sky. I smiled to myself when I saw her there, as always. Always in my imagination.


	2. Chapter 1

I laughed when I opened the door and saw Alice. She was always cheerful, could always change my mood and make me smile. She was a great sister. I instantly felt guilty for leaving the Cullens. Leaving Esme, my "mother," was the hardest thing of all. She truly loved me like her son. I know it broke her heart when I parted…but I had to. I had to be by myself. I couldn't bring my melancholy on anyone else.

Watching Alice bound into the room brought a smile to my face. It was easy to see why Jasper loves her. She is the bright spot in his dark life.

"Thanks for coming, Alice," I said. She smiled and nodded.

"My pleasure, brother." She looked around my home and sighed. It is pretty stark; no knick-knacks of any kind, no paintings. Minimal furniture, dark walls. A few pictures of Bella around though. "You could definitely use a woman's touch."

I chuckled. "I'm sure you would love to tackle it." She smiled again. "But decorating my apartment is not why I asked you here. I want you to use your visions."

She sat in the recliner and looked at me. "For what?" I sat down on the coffee table facing her. "For Bella," I said. Alice stared at me. "Don't look at me like that, Alice. You know that I've never stopped loving her."

She nodded slowly. "I know. I'm just wondering why you want me to find her now, after forty years. Let me remind you that you forbade me to watch her in the past."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Yes, I know. But I miss her terribly. I have given her forty-two years; I just want to make sure she's alright. I want to make sure she's happy and safe and loved." The last part was a lie. I hated the thought of another man loving her; she was meant for me.

She cocked an eyebrow at me; sometimes she could see right through me. "Okay," she said slowly. "Do you want me to try to find her now?"

I nodded and stood up. I walked over to the television, where a picture of Bella sat. I brought it to her. "You may need a visual." She grunted. "I remember her perfectly Edward." She closed her eyes.

_I remember her too,_ I thought. _Every detail. The depth of her chocolate brown eyes, her smile, the fullness of her lips, her kiss. The frailness of her body against mine. How her smell calls to me. I remember it all._

Alice drew in her breath sharply. I looked at her. "What is it Alice?" She looked as though in a trance; her vision apparent. "Bella's not in Forks," she said. I nodded. "I figured as much." She shook her head.

"I can't get a read on where she is, Edward. The vision isn't clear. I see Charlie, he is in a home. I see Mike Newton, he never left Forks. It looks like he has been married three times. Gained a lot of weight. And Angela Weber is there too. She became principal of Forks High."

I sighed, frustrated. "That's great Alice, but I'm not looking for a class reunion. I want to find Bella." She turned and snapped at me. "I told you she's not in Forks. The visions I'm getting are unclear. I am mainly seeing her through Charlie's head, but even then they're faded."

"Then I'll go to Forks," I said. Alice's eyes grew big. "Are you sure that's right?" she asked me. "I mean, are you sure you want to interfere? It's been so long, Edward. Think of the repercussions."

"I _have_ thought about it Alice. I've thought about that _for_ over forty years. Do you think it's been easy staying away from the one I love? The only bright spot in my moonlit night? She is the only reason I still exist; her life makes me continue on. So many times I've wanted to call her or write to her or even visit her, to break my reserve. But I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't hurt her like that."

"But it's okay to hurt her now?" she asked sharply. I sighed. "No, it's not. I don't want to hurt her, never wanted to. I thought that leaving was the best way to keep her safe. I know that was wrong; I know of the crazy things she did back in Forks." My mind drifted to her reckless behavior: riding motorcycles, cliff diving, associating with werewolves. I knew of it all, knew that I was the cause of it. I continued.

"But that was a long time ago, Alice. Time heals all wounds for humans, right? Maybe now she'll see me as a crush, one she felt something for when she was a child."

Alice shook her head. "You know that isn't true, Edward." I looked at her. "You know that her feelings for you weren't because of a 'crush.' She loves you as much as you love her. A love like that is everlasting. It is similar to what Jazz and I have."

I stared into her golden eyes. She continued. "It is eternal, you know that. As long as I walk this Earth, I will love Jasper. Nothing will change that. He could decide to leave me, walk away without a look back and I would still love him. I would still believe that love would reunite us someday."

I nodded. I knew that they would never be apart, they were soul mates. "So you think what Bella and I share is similar to you and Jasper?" I was hopeful. She nodded in response. I groaned. "I have to find her Alice. I can't stay away anymore."

She opened up her bag and handed me a plane ticket. She already knew, she already saw. "Then you better get going to Forks."


	3. Chapter 2

I stepped off the plane. As always, Forks was a dreary sight. Rainy and overcast; not many sunny days. I had read the weather report carefully, making sure not to go out in the sunlight. The last thing I needed was exposure when I was trying to be inconspicuous.

I climbed in the car that Alice rented for me; a Honda and a little too tame for me. But it would have to work. I drove to where Bella lived with her father. I know he didn't live there now, Alice said he was in a home. But something there might give me a clue of where to find her.

Her scent was nowhere near. It was evident she had been gone for years. I parked across the street and looked around. I didn't see anyone, so I sprinted to her home. I hated running at human speed, I figured this wasn't a big deal.

I stopped when I reached the woods behind her house. Specifically, where I ended the relationship. It all came back to me, as if it was current, not a memory. "_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." "You don't want me?" "No." "Well that…changes things." "You're not good for me, Bella."_

I swallowed and fell to my knees. My dead heart was aching with the memory. _"Of course I'll always love you…in a way."_ I couldn't believe I said that. It was a complete lie. _"My kind…we're easily distracted."_ Another lie. Nothing could ever distract me from my Bella. _"I won't come back. It'll be as if I never existed."_ I closed my eyes.

I watched as the tears fell from her face, unable to wipe them away. I was in complete agony. I sat there for awhile, remembering every detail. My legs couldn't move. My stone body was shaking. I was sobbing tearlessly.

As dusk fell, I got up. I knew that whoever owned the house now would be getting home, I wanted to be gone. Alice had gotten the address of the nursing home that Charlie was in; I decided to pay him a visit.

Of course, I knew that this could blow up in my face. I looked no older than I did forty-two years ago. I would have to be stealthy. If Charlie's mind was gone, I'd have no worry. If it was healthy, I'd have to lie. Again.

I walked into the home, immediately wrinkling my nose at the scent. This was one aspect of human that I didn't miss; bodily smells. I walked to the front desk and put on my best seductive voice, the one used for dazzling humans.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked. Her nametag said Rebecca.

"I hope so, Rebecca," I said, my voice velvet. Her eyes grew wide; yup, the seduction was working. "I'm looking for Charles Swan, former police chief?"

_Oh my God!_ she thought. However, she just nodded. "He's here. He just finished dinner. May I ask how you know him? He doesn't get many visitors."

_So Bella doesn't see her father much_. "My grandfather used to be his doctor, Carlisle Cullen. My father often spoke fondly of Forks and their police chief. I wanted to pay my respects for both of them."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Okay," she said. "Please sign in." She handed me a clipboard. I signed Masen Cullen as she cleared me to enter.

"He's in room 265. Take however long you need," she said. I nodded. I smirked when I passed her. _Yup, still got it._

I entered the wing and climbed the stairs. Two nurses passed me, neither of them happy. _He called me into his office, that can't be good,_ one was thinking. _I wonder how long I'll get the cold shoulder from Rebecca. She likes me, I know she does_, came from the other.

I walked to the room. The TV was on and _Wheel of Fortune_ lit up the screen. I saw Charlie in a wheelchair. He looked to be sleeping. His mouth was hanging slightly open. He wore a plaid flannel robe with matching slippers.

I cleared my throat and knocked lightly. He didn't wake up. I entered his mind. He was dreaming of Bella. Actually, more than a dream, a memory. He was seeing her graduating from college, surrounded by all her friends. I smiled. I knew she would go on to great things.

Charlie stirred slightly and I froze but he didn't wake up. The memory was still there, but now a guy had his arm around Bella's shoulder. I frowned. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. Then she waved at her father and walked to her spot for the graduation line-up.

My breathing accelerated, my fists balled up. I didn't know who that was in the memory, but it was clear he was a boyfriend. I know I told her to move on with her life, but seeing it would still hurt. I know it's illogical to be jealous when I wanted her to move on, but I can't help it. I guess I figured since I'll always love her that the feeling would be requited.

"W-Who are you?" I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear or see Charlie awaken. He stared at me suspiciously.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Mr. Swan," I said politely. "I'm a relative of a family friend." He continued to stare at me. "You look like one of the Cullen boys my daughter used to date. Broke her heart too. She never recovered from it."

Grief washed over me in that moment. I tried to keep my composure. "Actually, I'm the son of Edward. My name's Masen."

Charlie grunted. "I should have known. What brings you here Masen? Your father was too chicken to show his face after breaking my daughter's heart." He looked at me. "Well, I guess he did, just in a different form."

_Oh, if you only knew._ "My father often spoke fondly of your daughter Isabella. He regrets breaking her heart all those years ago. He does not know I'm here. I'm in town on business and thought maybe I could take him some information to clear his mind." _And my conscious_.

He grunted again. "He doesn't care about her. If he did, he wouldn't have hurt her."

I sighed. "Maybe leaving her was the best thing for her. Maybe it was for her safety." I looked him square in the eye. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Did you ever think that maybe it hurt him to do that to her? That he loved her more than anything and hated hurting her?"

"No."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. I could feel my temper rising but I fought it back. It wasn't his fault; I couldn't blame him for feeling that way about me. Hell, I was disgusted by me.

"I can't erase the memories of the past, Chief Swan, but I can try to change the future. My father, Edward Cullen, loved your daughter more than anything in this world. He would give his life for her. She was his everything." _Still is_.

I eyed him, he was listening intently. "He taught me to have no regrets; to fix whatever mistakes I make. Well, I'm trying to do that for him. I want to see Isabella and let her know my father's true heart." _Let her know MY true heart…that I never stopped loving her._

Charlie sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. I can't help you. The memory is too painful."

I froze. "What do you mean?" He shook his head. "Please, Chief Swan. I'm begging. How can I contact your daughter Isabella?"

He looked me square in the eye; pain, anger and sorrow in his expression. "If your father loved her, as you claim he did, then he shouldn't have left her. He left behind an empty shell. She never recovered from the breakup. Boys came around to date her but she wasn't interested."

My blood boiled with the thought of other men wanting her. It was irrational, I knew that, but I couldn't help it. A part of me was also glad that she didn't accept their invitations. Charlie went on. "She grew up, went to college and started her life. But she wasn't happy."

I nodded. This was worse than I'd imagined. "If you want to know more about her, find it yourself. I refuse to relive the memory of my daughter being broken by your stupid father." I figured as much.

Charlie continued. "I hate to take my hatred out on you, you didn't do it. But you do look exactly like him, so my hate is skewed. Your best bet is to leave now and never come back to Forks."

I stared at him. He was dead serious, his voice menacing. "O-Okay," I stammered. I turned and walked to the door.

"Mr. Cullen?" he said. I turned around to face him. "There is one person who can tell you everything, one who will probably be willing to."

"Who?" I asked, sure of the answer.

"Jacob Black."


	4. Chapter 3

Jacob Black. He hated me. I didn't necessarily hate him, but I knew what he was; knew he was a werewolf. He hated me for being a vampire, hated me for having the one thing he wanted most.

Bella.

I knew by reading his thoughts that he loved Bella. He wanted her almost as much as I did. And that infuriated me. I shook my head. I needed to get my jealousy in check. But it was hard. She opened up human emotions in me, emotions that were buried over a century ago. When I was immortalized, my interests were frozen. My personality and my attitude. Of course, I love my adopted family and would always have love for my human parents, but my love for Bella was different. I can live without Carlisle and Alice. I can't live without Bella.

I knew he'd be on the reservation. I didn't want to see him right away. I drove around, reliving memories I had with her. I pulled into the school parking lot. As it was summer, it was deserted. I got out and walked to where we parked our cars. I saw the spot where I risked exposure by saving her from the van. Where I kissed her on her eighteenth birthday and told her she was worth celebrating. I strolled around the outside of the school, losing myself in bittersweet memories.

After I got back in the car, I drove to the La Push reservation. I couldn't enter it because of the treaty, but I knew they'd smell me. I knew _he_ would smell me. And come running.

With Jacob being a werewolf, I doubted he had aged much. If he wanted a fight, it would be evenly matched physically. Two seventeen-year-old bodies going at it. But I didn't want to fight him. I just wanted to know where she was.

Getting that information might be like pulling teeth.

I heard a growl and looked to my right. Jacob was slowly approaching. He was in his human form and clearly hated me being here.

"What are _you_ doing here leech?" he spat at me.

"I am not here to fight you Jacob," I said, putting my hands up. "I just want some answers." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Answers?"

"About Bella."

He growled. "What about her Edward?"

I sighed. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. "I want to know where she is. I miss her and I want to find her."

He snorted. "You miss her? I'm sure. I know you don't care about her." _You never did_, his thoughts said.

"You're wrong, Jacob," I said. "I miss her. I love her. I wish you could understand that. I left her forty years ago because I thought it was the best thing for her, the way to keep her safe. It killed me to do that. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I left to protect her from my kind. I wanted her to have a normal life, a chance to be human."

Jacob just looked at me. I knew he would never believe me, no matter what I did or said. But that didn't matter. My love for Bella wasn't his business.

"I want to find her. I want to apologize to her and tell her that I never stopped loving her. I want to see her, to see how her life has been. And maybe share part of it with her." I ran my hand through my always-messy hair.

He growled again. "Bella's not in Forks anymore." I nodded. "She went off to college and started her life…a life free of bloodsuckers like you."

"Jacob," I said again, "I don't want to fight. Please help me find her." He stared at me a moment, then continued.

"1428 Willow Lane," he said. "You'll find her there."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he told me. I nodded. "Thank you, Jacob. I mean that." I turned and walked away. I was aware of his eyes on me.

_Stupid bloodsucker_, he thought.

I drove away, anxiety building up. I was going to see my Bella.


	5. Chapter 4

_1428 Willow Lane_. Jacob's words kept repeating over and over in my mind. I drove fast across town, reaching Willow Lane in minutes.

_I can't believe he told me. Why? Does he finally understand my feelings?_

I took a wrong turn and almost crashed into a store front. There had obviously been a lot of change in Forks during these forty-two years. Willow Lane was completely different than what I remembered.

I approached the 1400 block and slowed my car. I noticed a cemetery on the right. I kept driving. Before I realized it, I had entered the 1600 block. I turned around and parked at the cemetery and got out. I strolled down the street, not seeing 1428 anywhere.

_Where the hell is it?_ I ran my hand through my hair and headed back to my car. As if I knew, I turned my head to the cemetery. My eyes fell on the number and I drew in my breath sharply.

1428.

It had to be a mistake. I had to have misheard him, or he said the wrong number. Why would her address be 1428 Willow Lane if it is a cemetery?

My phone started buzzing in my pocket. Alice. My stomach dropped.

"Edward," she said sadly. "You found her." I froze.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"Go into the cemetery Edward. You'll find your answer." The line went dead.

I slowly stepped past the wrought-iron gate. I started looking at the gravestones. My dead heart was starting to ache, but I refused to acknowledge anything until I saw.

After a few minutes, I saw what I didn't want to see, what I was trying to deny.

_Here lies Isabella Marie Swan. Beloved daughter and friend. May her soul be carried to Heaven by angels and her memory live forever._

_September 13 1990 to May 14 2035._

I fell to my knees, the ground sinking beneath my stone weight. I reached out and brushed my finger over her name while I started sobbing tears that would never fall.

_She was gone. Bella was dead. Why? What took my love from this world? Why didn't Alice see it?_

I started shaking. I laid face-down on the gravesite, laid my head where hers would have been, placing my right hand where her heart lay. I continued to stroke the finger of my left hand over her name, her birth date. The memory of her flowed through my head. I remembered when we met, how I wanted to kill her because her blood was so succulent to me. How I discovered jealousy and wanted to snap Mike Newton's neck every time he spoke to her. The first time I sneaked into her room to watch her sleep and she said my name. Her smile. Her eyes. Her scent.

All the memories I kept alive, but it didn't keep her alive. I didn't understand what happened. How did she die? I was determined to find out. But not now. I just wanted to sob over the loss of my Bella.

I stayed that way overnight. With being a vampire, I can remain in the same position for a long time. I didn't even move when I smelled him approach.

"You wanted to know, leech," Jacob said. His voice was void of any hostility. I rolled over and looked at him. His eyes looked sad; his body was slumped, defeated.

_I knew you wouldn't believe me if I just told you, so I had to have you see._

"What happened?" I asked. He swallowed.

"Breast cancer. It wasn't discovered until it was in stage four. All we could do was make her comfortable." His words sunk in.

_I left to protect her from immortals like me. But I couldn't protect her from disease, a disease that destroyed her by inhabiting her own body. Taken down by being human._ I shuddered and sat up. He held out his hand to me. I looked up at him, surprised.

"This is probably the only time I'll offer my hand to you, leech. You'd better take it." I felt that my legs wouldn't make it, so I took his hand. After I was up, I pulled away quickly. The scent of dog washed heavily over me and my nose wrinkled because of it. "Thank you, Jacob."

He snorted. "You're still my enemy Edward. But it sunk in that you do really love her. I figured you were all about self-indulgence; that you didn't really care about anyone but yourself. I was wrong. I still hate you, but you deserve to know what happened."

I nodded.

Through reading his mind, I saw Bella. I saw her graduate Forks High and go to the University of Washington. She excelled there, graduating as valedictorian. She was heavily involved in activities such as the student senate and even joined a sorority. That didn't seem like my Bella at all, but my Bella was destroyed when I left her. So anything was possible. She moved to Los Angeles and worked in the wedding industry, mainly to the stars.

_I visited her often,_ Jacob's thoughts told me. _I was hoping to fill that part of her heart left vacant by you. But it never happened. She shut that off. She went through the motions. I finally brought her out of her shell, getting to see her smile. But she never dated after that._

Despite the circumstances, my heart swelled. It made me happy to know that she didn't fall for anyone else after me. I knew it was selfish, but I loved her so much. I couldn't stop my jealousy.

_We tried to make her last few months as comfortable as possible. She moved back home to Forks and Charlie took care of her. I helped when I could. Her cancer took its toll on him though. When she died, it weakened his heart. That's when he went into a home._ Jacob's thoughts explained it all to me.

And it made sense why Charlie said it was too painful to relive the memory. My body shuddered from the sobbing. I had to get going, had to create a plan and carry it out.

"Thank you, Jacob." I walked past him and took a few steps towards the gate. "Thank you for telling me everything. I am glad that she is at peace, even if I did not get to say goodbye."

His eyes narrowed. I continued. "I promise you, I won't come back. This will be the last time you will see me. The rest of the Cullens won't come back either. You will have no more interference from us."

I walked out, leaving him there. I turned to face the cemetery when I reached my car. He was standing in front of her grave. I could tell he was talking to her. But my mind was too clouded to hear his thoughts. I climbed in my car and drove off.

_How to do it,_ I thought. _Anger the Volturi? Have a werewolf attack me? What is the best way?_

On cue, my phone vibrated. Alice again. She probably saw what I was going to do and try to persuade me not to. But it was too late, my mind was made up. The only question was…how?

Then it came to me: Carlisle.


	6. Chapter 5

Carlisle wouldn't want to do it. He loved me like his son. He wouldn't want to lose me. But I thought since he made me maybe he'd be kind enough to end me. That was only fair.

It didn't take long for me to reach Alaska. The Cullens were staying with the Denali clan. No doubt Alice warned them of my intent to die. I sighed. This wasn't going to be easy.

As I pulled up in the drive, Alice came bounding out. She looked like she had been crying, despite the fact that tears wouldn't fall from her face.

"Edward," she said. I held my hand up.

"Don't," I said. "My mind is made up. You knew that, Alice. You've always known that. I can't live if she doesn't. The only reason I existed this long is because I thought she was alive. Now that I know the truth, I have to do what is best."

"What's best, Edward?" she asked me, raising her voice. "What's BEST? You think killing yourself is best? What about your family? We love you! You're going to throw that away? It will destroy Carlisle and Esme. It will destroy the rest of us as well. This may even tear the family apart." She was hysterical, her thoughts frantic.

Suddenly a calm came over us. I looked to the house and saw Jasper on the deck. He was straining, trying hard to calm Alice down.

"Don't be using your power on me, Jasper Hale," she said, narrowing her eyes. "I deserve to be upset. You are just as upset as me over Edward's decision. Get angry! Punch him! Throw things at him! Do something!"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. She turned back to me. "It's the only way, Alice. My mind is made up. If you guys won't help, I'll find some other way. I don't know how to live without her."

Alice scoffed. "You've done it for forty years." I shook my head. "That wasn't living, Alice. That was existing. She doesn't breathe in the air on Earth anymore, doesn't walk it. She's not here. I can't stand that. I have to end this. You know I've been unhappy with my existence for years; now is the time to do something about it."

"Edward," she said choking up, "you have a soul. The fact that you would do anything for Bella proved that. The fact that, like us, you didn't want to be a monster proved that. That should be your ticket to Heaven. Do you want to lose that chance by killing yourself? Because I guarantee that suicide will send you straight to Hell."

I had considered it. I knew that was a possibility. I wasn't sure about the soul part, but I wanted to believe it. Bella believed I had a soul, that all of the Cullens did. But whatever soul I had died when I left her. _She_ was my soul. And she was dead.

I started walking to the house. Alice and Jasper didn't stop me, but it was clear neither of them wanted me to do this.

Carlisle was waiting for me. His thoughts told me that he was reluctant. I knew I could try to persuade him.

_I won't lose my son_.

"I've come to ask you to end me, Carlisle." He sighed. "It's the only way. I have to say goodbye."

Esme walked in that moment and stopped abruptly. I turned to her. "I'm so sorry Esme. I love my mother."

Her knees gave out; Carlisle grabbed her before she hit the ground. "You won't listen to us. This will rip the family apart. But all you care about is ending your pain, not ending ours. You want to end your life over the human girl. I won't stop you. I will mourn the loss of my son." He turned to look at me, his eyes were dark. It wasn't hunger that turned them, it was pain.

I reached out and embraced Esme. She held me tightly. The rest of the family came into the room. I looked at all of them for the last time. Alice was sobbing, Jasper looked heartbroken, Rosalie was saddened and Emmett was devastated.

_Please don't do this,_ Rosalie was thinking. _I know we don't have the best relationship, but I love my brother. I don't want to spend the rest of my existence without him. Who will I annoy now? This can't happen!_

"I am sorry," I said to them. "I love you all. I hope you make it to Heaven. Everyone deserves it. It's my time to go. See you on the other side." Esme crumbled in my arms. Carlisle took her again.

I walked out of the room. I refused to look back; refused to see their faces. I would break my resolve if I did. I leaned against the wall, trying to calm myself. Carlisle's thoughts came to me.

_Meet me in the drawing room of the west wing in an hour. I will help you then._ Carlisle would help me. He knew this would kill him, but he also knew that this is what I wanted. It couldn't have been easy for him to decide this, especially since everyone else is so against it.

_I will always love you, brother._ Alice. _Please know that. You will always be a Cullen._

Jasper's thoughts were next. _I support your decision. I understand never-ending love, I have that with Alice. I would die for her. You will die for your 'Alice.' You are my brother at heart. God's speed._

Emmett was shouting at me, telling me not to do it. _You're crazy! You can't leave me!_ I would miss Emmett. He really was a big teddy bear. I enjoyed hunting with him.

The most painful thoughts were Esme's. She was devastated. She continued to cling to Carlisle, sobbing tearlessly. _I can't believe I'm going to lose my son. I love him so much. I was happy when he found Bella. He deserved happiness. Since he left, he has been so unhappy. Maybe it is the right thing, but I'm selfish. I want my son to stay._

I swallowed and stepped away from the wall. I started walking to the west wing. It was unusually quiet; I'm guessing the Denali clan didn't want to be around when the Cullens are in so much pain. 

I entered the drawing room and looked around. It was light and airy; white walls and furniture. A huge bookshelf with old and modern classics. I saw a leather-bound edition of the Shakespeare folio, a first edition of the _Canterbury Tales_ and a hardcover of _Gone With the Wind_. One could easily spend all day in this room looking at the covers.

Carlisle entered quietly. His thoughts were silent, no doubt trying not to upset me. I sighed and turned to face him. His eyes were still black.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him. He sighed. "Well, I'd use a needle but it'll probably break on your skin." I smiled. "Probably."

"I can break your neck, quick and painless, or go for your throat. Those are the only options I see."

"We can't do it here in the drawing room; think of the mess! Tanya would be furious." I was already making excuses to not go through with it. What was wrong with me?

He shook his head. "There won't be blood. I will take your body and bury it with Bella's. I'm sure that's what you'd want." I nodded. "Okay, then. How would you like to die, my son?"

I felt cold hearing his words. I knew it was best, but hearing it confirmed was shocking. And Carlisle's voice was so sad, so withdrawn. I know that this was hard for him.

"Breaking my neck. Quick and painless."

He looked at me, eyes sad. "Okay."

I cleared my throat. "Thank you, Carlisle. For everything. You saved my life when I was dying of Spanish Influenza. You took me in and loved me as your son. You accepted my love for Bella. You were always there for me. I am sorry that I let you down."

He shook his head. "You wanting to die is not letting me down, son. I knew when you left Bella forty-two years ago that this would happen eventually. I tried to deny it from happening, but I knew. I enjoyed having you as my son. I love you very much and you will be missed."

I walked over and embraced Carlisle in a hug. He hugged me back. We stood like that for a few minutes, neither of us wanting the inevitable. Finally I sighed and broke the embrace. I kneeled in front of him.

"I won't do it until you tell me," his soft voice said. "Think of something pleasant. Think of Bella. Your last thoughts should be of her."

I exhaled and did as he said. I closed my eyes and nodded. Carlisle gently put his hands around my neck. I saw Bella in my head, how happy and carefree she was. I saw my hallucinations when looking up at the stars; hallucinations of kissing her and holding her to my heart.

_Bella_…_I love you._

And everything went blank.


	7. Alternate

The following is the alternate ending to _Moonlit Night_. Enjoy!


	8. Chapter 3a

I looked to my right and saw Jacob approach. I knew he would smell me at the border. I hoped he would give me the answers that I desperately needed.

"Jacob," I said. He growled. "Jacob, I don't want to fight. I just want to know where Bella is."

"You have some balls coming back here leech," he said. "You broke her heart forty years ago. Isn't that enough? Come back to finish the job? To actually kill her this time?"

It was me who growled this time. How dare he insinuate that I would want to harm my Bella? I know I did when I left her, but the fact I came back should redeem me…somewhat.

"You _know_ that's not true, dog. I came back because I love and miss her. I was hoping I could find her and maybe spend a part of her life together…the way it should have been."

"Why would I help you?"

"I know I made a mistake when I left. I _thought_ I was doing the right thing, thought I was protecting her from others like me. But apparently I was wrong. Victoria came back, Bella became reckless and she started hanging out with you." That last part was laced with venom. "Had I known that would have happened, I would have stayed."

Jacob laughed. "And probably ate her too."

I sighed. "I wouldn't, Jacob. I _loved_ her. I still do. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I always knew you were about self-indulgence." He took a step closer to me. His thoughts told me he was getting ready to strike.

"Jacob, I told you, I'm not looking for a fight. I just want to know where Bella is." I was growing irritated. I should have known that he would never want to help me, even if my intentions were honorable.

He moved closer. He started shaking and breathing heavily. I knew he was going to phase. I shook my head. I didn't want to fight him, but he wasn't listening. I guess I was going to have to teach him a lesson. He always had been an arrogant fool.

As expected, he exploded in a ball of fur. He stood on all fours before me, growling. I crouched in my defensive position.

_Bella never got over you, leech. I tried so hard to heal her, but she never let me in. I hate you more than ever. I was born to hate you because of what you are, but because of what you did to Bella, the hate has intensified. You coming back to find her will destroy her. She has suffered enough. _

"I agree, she has suffered enough." He looked at me. "That's why I came back. If she decides she never wants to see me or have anything to do with me, that is fine. But she needs to know that I never stopped loving her. Maybe that will give her some comfort."

_Or kill her even more. How would you like to find out that the person who broke your heart never stopped loving you, but never bothered to come back? Or contact you at all? No phone call, nothing. Would you be happy?_

"No," I said sadly. I did not relax my position. He had to show he would not attack before I did. "Maybe you are right, Jacob. Maybe it's not right. But I need to ease my conscience."

_I knew you were only about self-indulgence._ I shook my head. "I don't know what I can say to convince you that I love Bella. If you won't help me, I'll find the answers myself. I am sorry to bother you."

_You're not leaving, filthy bloodsucker._ He growled and leapt for me. I moved out of the way. A ball of fur flew past, snarling and growling. He came at me again. I let him hit me. We fell to the ground. I made sure to keep my razor-sharp teeth from him, but feeling him on top of me, raking his claws over my chest didn't help.

"Jacob," I said, pushing him off of me, "do you really think you can hurt me?" He struck me with his paw, hitting me in the leg. The force of it knocked me to the ground. He leapt on me again, bringing his teeth down to my neck.

_Yes I can, leech. I can hurt you. I can kill you. And I will._ He tried pulling on my stone-hard neck. I knew he'd break his jaw, so I let him keep going. After a moment, there was a loud crunch. Just as I thought. He whimpered and moved away.

"By killing me, you will hurt Bella," I said. He stopped whimpering and looked at me. "That is why I don't want to fight or hurt you, Jacob. It would kill Bella. Maybe my coming back won't kill her, maybe our fighting will."

_Stupid bloodsucker. He's right. I love Bella, I can't hurt her like that, no matter how much I hate him. She will know. All the way in Jacksonville, she'll know._

"Jacksonville?" I said. "She's in Jacksonville?" He growled. "Yes, you slipped up, Jacob. Thank you so much for telling me."

_That's all you'll get from me._ I nodded. I turned and started to walk away. I knew he wouldn't attack me from behind. Not only is that cowardice, but I'd know it was coming. And I had a killer backhand.

Suddenly, I had a thought. I stopped and turned to him. "How do I know you're telling the truth? That it's not just to throw me off course?"

_Guess you'll have to wait and see_. I nodded and kept walking. I climbed in the car and started driving away.

_Bella's in Jacksonville? That makes sense, her mother moved there. I knew she would go someplace warm._ I smiled at that thought, remembering when I first met her and she told me she hated the cold. And yet, she dated a vampire, one who was cold by nature. _The Cold One._

I couldn't help but be thrilled at the fact that she didn't date after me. I know it was irrational, but I never wanted to think of her with anyone else. She was made for me. During my forty-two year exile, I pictured her moving on with her life: graduating college, starting a career and getting married. I hated thinking that, but knew it was probably true. So I forced myself to picture it. I saw her, more beautiful than ever, in a stunning white dress that hugged her curves perfectly, her hair pulled back into a veil, cascading down her back, holding a bouquet of red roses that stood out against her pale skin. She was made up, though she didn't have to be, with mascara making her gorgeous brown eyes pop out and her luscious lips matching the color of her bouquet.

Her lips. How I longed to touch them with my fingertips, to feel them against my own. I remembered them perfectly, how they fit with mine. Her warm breath on me, driving me wild. I had to make sure I never lost control with her, but nearly did at times. She awoke desires in me, desires that I didn't know existed and that had been buried for a century. So I made sure to put restrictions on our physical relationship. I would only allow chaste kisses. A few times she tried to deepen them. I had to pull away before I let myself go. God, how I wanted to keep going.

After the incident with Jasper, I kissed her goodnight. I deepened the kiss then. It wasn't my intention, but I allowed myself to let go a bit. I knew I was going to leave her and wanted the memory to stay with me. She asked me "what is tempting you more? My blood or my body?" I told her it was a tie, when actually it was her body. Her scent, combined with the intensity of the kiss, drove me forward. I wanted her so much. But I walked away. And I never forgave myself for it.

In the images that I forced myself to see, I saw her saying "yes" to the man she was marrying. Funny, but I could never see his face. He kissed her, making my blood boil, and they walked down the aisle. Then the image switched to the wedding night. I tried so hard to not think of that; to force that idea out of my head. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Sometimes, like a demon, it would haunt me. I would see my Bella giving herself to this man completely, allowing him to consume her. And he would take it. Usually, in my imagination, he never appreciated her the way I would.

God, what I would do if it was me. I would make sure she was happy, content. I would never take her for granted. If she wanted something, I'd give it to her. If she said no, I would stop. It would always be about her. She would be treated like a goddess, I would worship her.

My phone began vibrating in my pocket. Alice.

"She is in Jacksonville. Jacob wasn't lying. She's beautiful, Edward. Absolutely beautiful. I don't know how you're going to find her when in sun country."

"I can find her at night, Alice." I drove to the airport and pulled into a spot. "As long as you are watching, it should be easy to find her."

"Not as easy as you would think." She was hiding something from me. "The future isn't clear. She's in Jacksonville but I can't tell you more than that. I think one of the wolves is blocking me."

I knew about their power to block her, but it never occurred to me that they would be with her. Did Jacob lie to me? Did she get involved with a werewolf? What was going on?

"I have to find her Alice. Thank you for searching for her. I am sure I will need it when we get there. I don't know if she is seeing one of the wolves or not, but I will find her."

"Find her now, Edward."

There was urgency in that request. I hung up and bought my airline ticket. I had an hour wait before boarding the plane. It was the longest hour of my existence. Every tick of the hand counted down the minutes before I would see my Bella again. I nearly leapt for joy with that thought.

_Bella…I love you._


	9. Chapter 4a

Alice was right; it wasn't easy to find her. A few times I followed someone with the same hair color, only to be disappointed. I think I scared them to death too!

It was frustrating as hell, not being able to find her. I tried following her scent but couldn't pick it up. She wasn't listed in the phonebook; I had to ask people if they knew of her. A few looked at me suspiciously and refused to answer. I didn't blame them; I probably came off as a crazed stalker. And technically, that's what I was. When I arrived in Jacksonville, I had been wearing the same clothes for three days. My hair was disheveled from all the times I ran my hand through it. My pale skin glittered at times as I tried to avoid the sun. My eyes were black as I needed to hunt.

Since I could only search for her at night, I mapped out my routes during the day. I rented a room at a motel just inside city limits. The staff knew there was something off about me, so they left me alone. Alice helped me when she could, but still insisted that someone was blocking her.

After six days of inquiries, I got a bite, literally. A man who worked at the local diner knew Bella. She had helped tutor him in school and they kept in touch after that; they would usually email each other once a week. His name was Dave. I read his thoughts to make sure he didn't have any foul intentions with Bella. Realizing he was happily engaged and only thought of her as his friend, I listened to him intently.

He told me that she lived in a nice suburban neighborhood about ten miles north. She had become a teacher and drama coach at the local high school. In the off-time, she worked at a nearby Barnes & Noble. She pretty much kept to herself when school-related events weren't involved.

"I've actually never seen her come into this diner," he told me. "Never when I've been here, at least. But that's okay. I know that she is sad internally. I understand that she doesn't want many friends."

I asked why she was sad. "When she was a teenager, her boyfriend broke her heart. She never recovered from it. She moved on, of course, but wasn't the same. I found this out one night when we had finished tutoring and I was lamenting about my woes with my now-fiancée. I didn't realize how rough she'd had it until then."

"So she never dated after that?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice steady, but it betrayed me and cracked. He raised his eyebrow at it.

"Not that I know of. But she's a very private person. She could be seeing someone and never bothered to mention it to me."

I thanked the man named Dave and walked out of the diner. Then I called Alice.

"She is in a neighborhood about ten miles north of here. Does that help you?"

She smiled through the phone. "Yes, it does. I can see her now. Oh wow, Edward."

"What?"

"She's beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I think your legs will give out on you when you see her."

Now I smiled. All I had to go on was the memory of her at seventeen, how beautiful she was then. I remembered the first time I thought that. I had sneaked into her room to watch her sleep. Her hair was wild and all over the pillow and she wore holey sweats. She didn't try to make herself attractive, she just was. And at that moment, I had found the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

"Oh Alice," I said. "When will I get to see her?"

"Not for a few days. She is currently at a teacher's conference in Miami. You'll have to wait."

I nodded. That was fine with me. I was growing anxious to see her, but at the same time, apprehensive. I hurt her so much; what if this was a mistake? What if Jacob and Alice were right? What if my coming back destroys her?

"Edward? Edward!" Alice was saying. "I said she'll be back on Sunday. Weather should be cloudy then, rare for Florida. You can go then."

That was three days away. Perfect. I could hunt and prepare myself to see her. I know that her scent will hit me like a ton of bricks and the last thing I want to happen is that I lose control. I don't want a repeat of what Jasper did.

My eyes closed. I remembered that incident. My Bella got a paper cut and Jasper came for her. I shoved Bella back and she hit glass. I tried to protect her but cut her worse in the process. Everyone but Carlisle had to leave the room. I didn't want to, never wanted to, but I was fighting the monster inside me. I was fighting to not kill her myself.

And I hated myself for it. So I had to be prepared. I had to make sure that nothing went wrong. I didn't think anything would, but I wouldn't take chances. I couldn't. I knew I looked horrible now with my black eyes and ghost-white skin. I would make sure my eyes were golden and sparkling with desire to see her.

"Three days, Alice. That's perfect."

"Perfect? For what?"

"Hunting."


	10. Chapter 5a

The next three days flew. I gorged myself on animals; eating my first alligator. Quite tasty, actually. I had decided not to show myself to Bella right away; I was going to watch her for a day or so. I smiled when I thought about my spying on her over forty years ago. I watched her sleep, read a book, go to Port Angeles where I had to save her from some would-be rapists. I seemed like a crazed stalker. Course, the same could be said now.

But I couldn't help it. For the first time in forty-two years, I was going to see the love of my life, the woman of my dreams (if I could dream). Of course I seemed a little crazed. That was one reason why I stayed away and hunted; I couldn't allow for any mistakes. Although I knew I wouldn't hurt her, I didn't want to risk it. Better safe than sorry.

I ran through the darkness to her neighborhood and climbed up her tree. I knew she wouldn't see me up there. It was hard climbing a palm tree, but I made it work. The view went right into her bedroom. I chuckled at the irony; I was again going to watch her sleep.

She looked beautiful. She had on light purple pajamas and slept under satin sheets. Her pillow was sliding around on the fabric and she was constantly grabbing it to keep it on the bed. There was a small lump next to her, hidden by the sheet; I guessed that it was another pillow. She slept peacefully. I doubted she had many bad dreams now.

And her looks. Life had been kind to her. I saw only a little wrinkling at her eyes. I immediately wondered if she had work done and hoped that was not the case. I would hate to think that my Bella with the beautiful skin had stooped to the level of plastic surgeons. Women would kill for skin like that and she had it. Silk over glass.

"Edward," she mumbled. I froze. _She's dreaming of me?_ _How is that possible? Does she subconsciously know I'm here?_ While I was questioning, I felt tingles throughout my body at the mention of my name. _She's dreaming of me. Ah, Bella. How I've dreamed of you for so long. Soon, my love, we will be together. Sleep well…I'll be here._

And I was. I remained in the tree through dawn. I climbed down it when she awoke; I didn't want to be a peeping tom while she dressed. I stayed behind the tree, however, and watched her leave. She climbed in her car, also a Honda, and drove off. I knew where her school was, having found it during the week. I stayed far enough behind so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

But she didn't go to the school. I was confused for a moment and then realized it was July; there was no school. She pulled into the local market and climbed out. I had not even paid attention to what she was wearing; that should have been my giveaway that there was no school. She had on plaid capris, a white tee-shirt that hugged her chest and white flip-flops. I noticed her toes were painted a pretty magenta color.

I definitely noticed her shirt then…the way it hugged her breasts. They were perky, as always, and bounced with each step. I swallowed; I can't be thinking like that. Bella was more than sex to me, she was my world. Yes, I would love to give myself to her in that way, but I couldn't. One wrong move and I could kill her. I would lose control; something that I couldn't do because her life depended on it.

I stayed outside and waited for my beautiful Bella to reappear. I observed the people who drove in and walked to the store. Many varieties of people from young to old. There was a mother with two little ones in tow; they definitely did not want to be here. They screamed and kicked when pulled from the car and were resistant to go into the store. The mother was about to lose her cool. Her mind told me she was going to take them home so their father can deal with them.

I smiled. Bella would have been a great mother but I knew she really didn't want to be one. She had never expressed a desire to have kids; I assumed they were not big on her list. Course, she was eighteen at the time. For all I knew, she had several who were grown and left the area.

I know Jacob said that she never got over me, nor did she date again. Somehow, I didn't believe him. I didn't believe that someone as good or as sweet or as beautiful as Bella would be allowed to get away. Just because I let her go doesn't mean someone else didn't.

The ache in my chest was prominent as I thought about her having a family. Again, the whole idea of her having sex with someone other than me made me furious. What a hypocrite I am; I wouldn't allow her to have sex with me due to my strength and fear of losing control, and here I am getting upset at the thought of her having sex with someone else. What was wrong with me?

She was walking out of the market. I stepped further away so as not to be seen. She only had two bags and neither looked packed. She stuck them in the back seat and stood up. She looked around, like she knew someone was watching her. I tensed up. I didn't want to appear to her now; I wasn't ready. She had to not know until it was time.

_How can she sense me? I'm farther away than I ever have been._ Her right hand scratched an itch on her head as she looked one last time. Not seeing what she wanted, she shrugged and climbed into her car. I didn't relax until she was halfway down the drive. Even then I noticed her looking in her rearview mirror more than usual.

I thought she would go right home, but she surprised me again. She stopped for gas at the station across from the market. Then she swung by the local library and dropped some books off. After running in to pay a bill at the cell phone building next to the library, she went home.

I wanted to help her with her bags, but couldn't. I had no idea how I was to approach her; what I should say. _Hi Bella. I know it's been forty years but I thought I should say hi. I've been watching you from a distance and saw you needed help with your packages. So I decided to give you a hand_. Yeah, right.

Upon opening the door, a barking erupted. She had a dog. That made sense since she was friends with Jacob Black. He was small, a Pug, and was very happy to see her. She spoke to him as she entered her home.

I took my perch in the tree again and watched the object of my affection for the rest of the evening. She seemed quite content; writing a few emails, walking her dog (which I found out was named Benny) and curling up with a book. _Wuthering Heights_, of course. She loved that book. Around eleven, she climbed into bed, still wearing the purple pajamas. Benny hopped up and joined her, wheezing the entire night. I realized at that moment that he was the small lump next to her the night before.

I hoped she would say my name again, as it thrilled me tremendously, but she didn't. It was quite warm, being Florida in July, and she thrashed around a lot. At one point, she got up to adjust the air conditioning, kicking Benny off by accident. I couldn't help but think if I was with her, I'd keep her plenty cool. She wouldn't need air conditioning then.

Before Benny climbed back into bed with her, he turned to the window and started growling. He could sense me, he could sense danger. I climbed higher in the tree. I knew Bella wouldn't see me if I didn't want her to, and I didn't, not yet. But I didn't like that her dog was hyper-aware of his surroundings. Of course, I'd have to deal with this later, so I might as well get a glimpse of it now.

"What is it, Benny? What's out there?" She looked out the window, hair swept over her left shoulder. God, she was beautiful. After glancing around and not seeing anything, she walked away.

"There's nothing out there, Benny, that I can see anyway. Just come back to bed." She lay down and immediately re-adjusted her pillow. Benny remained at the window for a few minutes before joining her. I climbed back down the tree after about fifteen minutes, when I was sure they were both asleep. Bella started murmuring again, but never said my name. I sighed contentedly, knowing I would appear to her tomorrow. I was growing anxious to have her see me; I wanted her to know that I found her and that I love her.

_Not too much longer, love. Sweet dreams._


	11. Chapter 6a

**A/N: I apologize for the delay. Like everyone else, I was swamped during the week of Christmas, pulling my hair out to get everything done. I present the alternate end of **_**Moonlit Night**_**. Thank you to everyone who has read it and/or reviewed. Please continue to review and refer if you enjoy the story. I hope 2010 will be just as creative; I already have three stories currently in the works. Thanks again! Happy New Year to everyone!**

My Bella was up early the next day, earlier than usual. I suspected she had many errands to run and wanted to get a jump on them. The first thing she did was walk Benny. As soon as they stepped outside he looked in the direction of where I was and started growling. I quickly hid behind the stump so not to be seen. Bella shushed him quietly, wondering what had suddenly gotten into him. She tugged on his leash as she neared the sidewalk. He looked back once more and then continued on his way, his curly tail bouncing with every step.

It was a pleasant stroll. Benny only stopped to sniff once and growled at two dogs. They were twice the size of him and could easily swallow him in one bite. I chuckled softly to myself. He sure has been acting tough lately, probably wondering where I came from. They finished the walk and she led him back inside. My skin sparkled from my perch in the tree, reflecting little rainbows on the ground. Since she had gone inside, I doubted she had seen it. I was having trouble staying out of the sun and was risking exposure. But at this point, I didn't care.

A minute later she left again with a letter in hand. She took off in the opposite direction. There was a mailbox at the end of the block and she wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on her beautiful skin. I noticed that she exposed much, wearing boy shorts and a tank top. It was unsettling, seeing that much of her flesh, but at the same time, attractive. A new, strange hunger started building inside of me. Although I loved her more than anything, this hunger took me by surprise and dominated me for a moment. It was the hunger of lust.

I allowed myself to daydream for a moment, daydream about being with her. I saw myself giving her everything she wanted; saw myself placing kisses on her neck, her collarbone and her lips. Working downward, neglecting no part of her beautiful body. I then saw myself hovering over her, feeling her, overwhelmed by the sensations. I saw myself trembling and drawing her closer, not wanting to ever let her go. And I also saw her beautiful eyes, the love in them and the love reflected back from mine.

As my love walked to the mailbox, she listened to music on her iPod. Her dark sunglasses hid her eyes from me so I couldn't tell if she sensed my presence. She did stop twice but did not look around.

A movement caught my attention as I descended from the palm tree. It was Benny. He was still in the house but was at the door, watching me intently. He wasn't growling; he seemed curious. He was wondering what I was doing there and what my purpose was.

"It's okay," I said to him softly. "I mean no harm." He sensed what I was saying. His tail started wagging and he seemed happy. _The predator means no harm_, I thought wryly. _THAT'S a first!_

I was so focused on him that I did not see the danger lurking by the mailbox. It was next to some bushes and there it laid, its head under the mailbox. Bella did not see it either. She continued to approach, completely unaware of it.

My phone vibrated. "What is it, Alice?" I asked her, turning away from Benny and looking down on the street.

"Get her out of there!" she exclaimed.

"What do you mean? I'm watching her, she's fine." I started walking towards Bella.

"No she's not, Edward. Don't you see it?"

"See what?"

"A python!"

My head shot up and I saw Bella reach the mailbox. There it was, already slithering around her. I dropped the phone and started running.

I wasn't fast enough, even by my super speed. By the time I reached my Bella it had wrapped around her. She was screaming like a Banshee. The weight of the animal knocked her to the ground and she hit her head on the curb. It was the break I needed so I wasn't seen by her.

I reached it within seconds and pulled the thing off of her. It started wrapping around me and squeezing. _Really?_ I thought. _You're that stupid?_ It squeezed harder. Of course, it did not do anything to me. When the python's full strength was being executed to try and stop my breathing, I just pushed it off over my head and flung it to the ground. It was dazed for a moment, then decided to come after me again.

_Yes, you're that stupid._

With my strength, I managed to stretch it out and break its back. Then I placed its head in my palms and pressed them together lightly. There was a small _crack_ and it was over.

I threw the thing to the ground and picked my love up. She wasn't bleeding; I think she only had a concussion. At lightning-fast speed, I arrived at her house. As I approached, I could hear Benny barking, alarmed again. Ignoring him, I entered and took Bella to the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed. I gently stroked her head looking for contusions. Not finding anything, I gently ran my fingers across her forehead. Then I ran my pointer finger over her lips.

She gave a light moan and opened her eyes. I froze. She smiled lightly. "Edward," she said, reaching out to me. She stroked my check and jawbone. Her warmth felt so good and I had missed it for so long. I closed my eyes and sighed, leaning into her touch.

"Bella," I murmured.

Then she removed her hand and closed her eyes. It was evident that she _thought_ I was here, not understanding that I really was. I removed her shoes and covered her with her sheet. I stood up and started for the door, glancing behind as I left to make sure she was okay.

I stepped outside and found Benny sniffing my phone. In my rush to get her inside, I hadn't realized he had gone outside. I walked over to him and he tensed up. With one swift movement I picked up my phone. I slowly extended my left hand to him, letting him know I meant no harm. Rainbows bounced off of him.

Benny did not shy away. He let me pet him. He was a sweet dog, I could tell. I don't know what he thought of my cold touch. He licked my hand and started digging in the ground. I laughed and stood up, dialing Carlisle.

"Edward. I'm surprised to hear from you. How are things going?"

"Not like I had planned. I messed up. I was distracted by Bella's dog and didn't see the danger lurking by the mailbox that she went to. She got caught by a python, Carlisle."

"A python?!"

"Yes. Florida has been having trouble with them lately. She hit her head when she fell. She's all right; resting in her bedroom now. I examined her head and she seems fine, but should I call an ambulance?"

He sighed. "I will come and examine her. I'm on the next flight." My jaw dropped when he said that. "What?" I asked.

"I will do a thorough exam on Bella."

I nodded, like he could see that. "Please do, Carlisle." I started to hang up when he spoke again.

"That was not your fault, Edward. That python would have been there regardless. Plus, you haven't shown yourself to her yet. What else could you have done?"

His words stayed with me as I walked back into the house and up to her bedroom. I paused outside the door, hit by her strong scent. How I had missed it! Like a fine wine, it seemed to have improved with age. Or maybe it was because I had been away from her for so long. Regardless, I took a deep breath and immediately the venom started flowing.

I realized in that moment that it was more potent because I needed to hunt. I couldn't be around her now. I ran from her door and flew outside. I knew the danger I was risking, but at that moment, I didn't care. My only concern was hunting. I would be fast so that people wouldn't see me; all that would be left would be carcasses. I glanced at Benny, who was now convinced that I was danger, and ran to the nearest park. It was only a few miles away from Bella's home. Florida had such different animals, but they would have to work. I found a deer looking for food and immediately ambushed it, followed by a stray dog. My skin reflected rainbows as I drained both of them; palm trees don't shade very well. Then I came upon an alligator. Luckily, I was in a shaded part of the park at that point as I had headed under a Weeping Willow.

I had heard about this through Bella's television. Besides pythons, Florida continued to have a problem with alligators popping up in people's yards. They sometimes ate the family dog and would go after humans. Well, that wouldn't happen here. The alligator was mine. It headed straight for me, its upper teeth sharp and ready to strike. I let it hit me, knowing it was useless. Its teeth wrapped around my arm and it started to bite. Its eyes widened when it realized it was getting nowhere.

By now, I was tired of this. I needed its blood. I placed my hands on its head and yanked it off me. The noise of its teeth scraping off of me was loud, like nails on a chalkboard. I scanned the minds of people nearby, seeing if anyone heard or saw anything. Realizing I was safe, I pulled its mouth open. Then I kept pulling on it. After breaking its jaw, I had no problem draining it. I drank quickly.

I was not full enough and no other animals were around, but people were. So I sped off in the direction where I knew animals would be: The Jacksonville Zoo. I knew that there would be people around, but I could sneak in through the back undetected. I hated the idea of killing these animals since they are endangered, but at this moment, their endangerment was from me. I scaled the wall and ran right for the panther enclosure.


	12. Chapter 7a

The sun was setting as I returned to Bella's. I was waiting for the news to report about mysterious deaths at the Jacksonville Zoo. They of course, would figure a disease or some other animal, some animal that had somehow found its way in to the enclosure.

I smirked at the thought. Humans can be so naïve when it comes to some things. I was glad that my hunting escapade hadn't brought unwanted attention. I could be sneaky when need be.

I entered her house and went straight for the bedroom. Upon entering, I saw her sitting in a chair reading a book. She jumped a mile when she saw me.

"Bella?" I said. "What are you doing up?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "The bigger question is, what the hell are you doing in my house?" She stood up, setting the book where she sat, and walked over to me.

"Do you know who I am?" I asked cautiously. I knew that people with concussions can get temporary amnesia.

"You're Edward Cullen, the man who broke my heart forty years ago."

I sighed. "Yes, that's correct."

"So why are you here?" She was standing right in front of me, her beautiful brown eyes exploring mine. While I lost myself in their depth, I saw curiosity in hers, along with a little fear. But what was most prominent shocked me: recognition and love.

"I, uh, I came back to find you." I knew I told her I would never come back. _This is the last time you'll ever see me. It'll be as if I never existed._ "I never stopped loving you, Bella. I couldn't stay away from you any longer."

She continued to stare into my eyes. "Why?"

I blinked a few times. "Because the pain and torture was too much. I told you once that I didn't have the strength to stay away from you. That is true now."

"And you think coming back now is going to erase the past? The pain?" She was calm, not angry like I thought she'd be. As always, she was not what I expected.

"No. I know it doesn't. But I wanted to make amends and have a fresh start. I can't live without you, Bella. I mean it when I say 'I love you.' I know you probably won't ever believe or trust me again, but I'm here. I'll never leave you again."

She nodded slowly, as though contemplating something. She broke my gaze and walked over to the bed. She sat against the pillows and patted the space in front of her, gesturing for me to sit.

I obliged. I was on pins and needles waiting for her to snap. I didn't know how long it would be before she kicked me out. Although I didn't want that, I knew it was a possibility.

"So you've come back to find me after forty-two years, huh? Now that I'm old and gray?"

_What is she talking about?_ I wondered. _She has hardly a wrinkle nor a gray hair anywhere_. "Bella, you are as beautiful as when we met. I was wondering how you managed to keep your youthfulness."

"I'll tell you later." Her eyes told me she would.

"I've told you before, you're growing old does not matter to me. Does it bother you that a 150-year-old man is in love with you?" I smiled and ran my hand through my hair.

She chuckled. "No, I guess not."

There was a question I desperately wanted to ask. It was out of my mouth before I knew it. "Do you think you can forgive me? That you can love me again someday?" _What are you thinking, Edward?! For all you know, she is married. Just because you haven't seen a husband around doesn't mean he's not!_

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You don't waste time, do you?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry about that; it was out of my mouth before it registered. You don't have to tell me anything." _But I wish you would!_

"Edward, I never got over you. I never stopped loving you. That prevented me from getting on with that part of my life. I never married, never had children. I bought Benny a few years ago because I wanted a companion. I never wanted anyone but you." Her warm eyes meant every word.

My dead heart felt like it was flying. _She loves me!_ I couldn't believe it. I smiled at her. "Like I said, I never stopped loving you either." I instinctively moved towards her.

She pushed me back gently. "That doesn't mean that everything is mended, Edward. Just because you came back doesn't mean that all is forgiven. You have some work to do."

I sighed. "I know. And I _will_ win your trust back. I'd be happy to grovel if that's what you'd like."

"Be serious."

"Oh, I am. Bella, you don't realize how much you mean to me. You are the moon in my moonless night. When you are in it, the light reflecting from it is tenfold. I can see everything clearly because of the moonlight. And the view is so beautiful."

She raised her eyebrow at me again. I knew that it would take time for her to believe what I said. "You don't believe me?" I asked sadly.

"No, it's not that. That was exactly how I felt at eighteen; that you were my moonlit night. When you left Forks, everything was dark. The moon never returned."

I sighed. She took my hand and laced her fingers in mine.

"Until the other night. I noticed that the moon was shining brightly when I went to sleep. It actually prevented me from falling asleep for awhile, it was that bright. I didn't see you; I didn't know it was you at the time. But I had a familiar feeling."

I brought our laced hands up and kissed hers gently. She continued. "That night, you dominated my dreams, as so many times before. But this was different. Instead of walking away, you were coming towards me. You told me that you were there to stay. And your face glowed like the moonlight."

I smiled at her, encouraging her to continue. As long as she wasn't throwing things or kicking me out, I could listen to anything. "I suspected you were around. When Benny started growling incessantly, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prick up. I realized I was being watched. There was only one person who would do so."

As if staged, Benny came bounding into the room. He hopped up on the bed and placed his head on my lap. I stared at him incredulously. _The last time he saw me, I was a predator. He should have every reason to hate me._

"Benny knows you won't hurt me," she said, answering my thoughts. "When I woke up here in my room yesterday, you were here. I knew it was you, not an image. When I touched you, I felt the old spark that dominated me forty-two years ago."

I nodded. I could feel that spark now just holding her hand. "I had to make sure you were real. And you were. I knew then, as I fell back into unconsciousness, that you wouldn't leave…and you didn't."

"No," I said immediately. "I'll never leave you again, Bella. I'll never fail you again."

She unlaced her fingers from mine and brought her hand up to my face. She started lightly tracing the lines of my cheekbones, brow and nose. I closed my eyes. The warmth of her touch started flowing through me and I felt the electricity. My breathing grew heavy as she continued to touch my face. Benny got up and ran out of the room, sensing the heat between us.

"Bella," I murmured. I felt her finger brush my lips. I opened my eyes and was surprised at the look on her face.

I would recognize it anywhere. It was the look from when we were together so many years ago…a look of adoration and love.

Her hand moved to the back of my head and she started pulling me to her. I didn't resist at all and my lips found hers hungrily. The sensations coursing through me nearly buckled me. I brought my hand up to cup her chin while her hand gripped onto my hair. For the first time, my tongue escaped my mouth and entered hers. She gave a quiet gasp but didn't pull away. The kiss intensified significantly and I could feel myself coming to the edge of my control.

I didn't want to stop. But I had to. I had to stop before something happened that I would regret. But how can I deny her? That would be like walking away from her again and I just swore I wouldn't do that. But I had to stop.

"Edward," she murmured when the kiss broke. I looked into her warm eyes. They told me that she would forgive me, even if I never forgave myself. "Edward, how I've missed your kisses."

"I hope, Bella that you will never be without them again." My voice was thick, emotions surging through me…love, fear, trepidation and lust.

She pulled me to her again. "I hope not either," she whispered. Immediately I was on her mouth. She slowly lowered herself on the bed and pulled me with her. I was cautious not to put too much of my weight on her as it would crush her. My hands went to her hair and she gave out a low moan, intensifying the lust that was already coursing through me.

_Stop!_ I told myself. _You need to stop, Edward! Enough!_ But I couldn't stop. I was too far gone by that point. I wanted her. I needed her. "I love you Bella. I'll never leave you again," I whispered against her lips. She gripped my hair again and pressed her lips to mine forcefully, finding my tongue with her own. The electricity intensified.

"I love you too, Edward. I always have and I always will." She ran her tongue slowly over my lips. I shuddered at the sensation, driven with love and lust…driven past the point of no return.

"Forever, Bella."

"Forever," she breathed against me. I knew she was right. Forever is what it would be.


	13. Chapter 8a

This past week has been the best of my existence. I am back with my love. I never thought it would happen, never thought I'd be happy again. But I am. She is so amazing. The years apart have made her wise and she is now not afraid to call me on things. In fact, I want her to. When I am being my overbearing, jealous self, I want her to tell me to "shut the hell up" (her words). It just proves to me how she has grown.

Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses. There are times when things are still confusing, still tense. Like when I leave for hunting. I get this feeling of guilt, although I know I will return and the look in her eyes tells me I have a way to go before her trust is restored. But that doesn't bother me; I expected it. I knew that I would have work to do, and I plan to fix my mistake. It just takes time.

The news reported the story of the animals being slaughtered. They said that a "sociopath was terrorizing Jacksonville." They were half-right. Bella, of course, knew immediately. She laughed when she heard the report, saying that the sociopath is a vampire with a soul. I told her about the difficulty I had with the alligator. She said I should have kept the carcass to make boots out of. Yes, that's my Bella.

She did tell me about her anti-aging. She did not have plastic surgery but has invested in very good and very expensive anti-aging creams, along with eating healthy. She was always obsessed with aging (I remember her telling me on her eighteenth birthday that I couldn't celebrate it). That never went away, even after I left her. She didn't want to grow old. A part of her always suspected that I would return at some point and she didn't want to look like a grandmother.

And she doesn't. She doesn't look over forty. She is so youthful-looking and so wise (sound familiar?). I told her that how she looked wouldn't matter to me, but I know it mattered to her. So anything she does to make herself happy is fine by me.

It has been hard adjusting to Jacksonville. The sun shines almost every day. We usually only go out at night. Of course, people ask if I'm her son. Those who know her well know that I am a "friend" but don't know the extent. I told her that they probably think she's a cougar dating a much-younger man. Oh, if only they know how wrong that is! But of course, we can't tell them the truth. _Actually, Edward is a 150-year-old vampire who is in love with me. He has returned to make amends from walking away from me over forty years ago. I know he doesn't look a day over seventeen; that's what makes it so great. Isn't he beautiful?_ Yeah, there's a one-way ticket to the asylum.

I knew I should return to Canada to settle the business of my home. I could get a pretty penny for it and move the belongings down here as this is where I plan to stay, for as long as she wants me. When I told Bella, she thought that was the excuse I needed to leave her. I asked her to come with me and she agreed. We will fly out in early August. She wants to get everything done before the school year starts up.

As for that night, I crossed the point of no return. I managed to lose control and not hurt Bella. My love for her was such that it prevented me from harming her. But I was worried at several points. Once I stroked her cheek and a bruise formed, another time I gripped her a little too tight. That was it, even when the moment of control escaped me. She was incredible. I couldn't believe how she felt to me, how warm and inviting. Her kisses were enough to drive me on, further than I'd gone before. It was frightening, knowing that I could kill her, but at the same time, sensual. The feeling of "forbidden love" made me want it that much more. Like her blood.

Since then, our physical attraction has grown tenfold. I find myself constantly wanting to touch her, hold her and kiss her even deeper than before. The feeling of lust has been ignited in me although I try to ignore it. She is patient when I fight against my urges and encourages me to break the barrier. "We know it'll be okay," she told me. Just because it was once doesn't mean it will be again. I am still cautious. A vampire and a human don't mix physically…until now. I still have my days, but am trying to change for her. I want her as much as she wants me.

Alice had said when I first started pursuing Bella in Jacksonville that there was a werewolf in the area. She was right; it was Dave from the diner. None of us knew it at the time, not even him. Bella and I walked into the diner two nights ago and I was hit with the strong scent. I was immediately on guard. I told Bella it wasn't safe, there was a werewolf nearby. Dave appeared and said it was him and he could smell what I was. I tensed up, ready for the attack.

Everything turned out okay. He didn't want to fight as he knew how important I was to Bella. My appearance set off the gene that caused him to phase. He also knew that the animal deaths were due to me. He wasn't as hostile as Jacob, but I knew from reading his mind that he also didn't care about Bella the way Jacob did. He just thought of her as a friend.

I know that it isn't safe being in the area with a werewolf around. But as long as he doesn't expose what I am, I won't expose him. We came to an understanding that evening and the rest of the night passed without incident. Bella was happy and that was all I needed.

As for her concussion, it was mild. Carlisle made it out early the morning after her fall and did an exam on her. He told her to take it easy, to have me wait on her (like I would object). She, of course, didn't like the idea of being taken care of but Carlisle insisted. He could also sense our physical relationship. He warned me that it could be dangerous but trusted I would make the right choice. "If anyone can do it, Edward, you can." He has never had a reason to believe in me, but I wanted to give him reason now. I love Bella and plan on making her happy.

It amazes me how things turned out. Bella has every reason to hate me, should hate me for what I did to her forty-two years ago. She understands that I walked away to protect her, walked away out of love, and forgave me for doing so. We both suffered so much at my hands and I was determined to make sure neither of us suffered again. We would be happy forever…because I will make it forever. Bella will be an immortal. Like she wanted forty-two years ago, her wish will be granted. Never again will I be without the love of my life. Neither of us want that and I can't live without her. We are still working out when it will happen as there are many things that need to be worked out. But rest assured, Alice is all too happy to help us.

As for my soul, I still doubt that I have one. But Bella is convinced that I do. "You told me you don't want to be a monster. You only feed on animals. That means you have a soul. You don't want to hurt people. Trust me, Edward. You will have a way to Heaven." She has given me hope, hope for something I will never have.

I love Bella more than anything. And I know that for whatever reason, she loves me. We are soul mates, we are fate. We are meant to be. And we will be.

Forever.


End file.
